Sunday, November 13, 2011

It's been a while...

....but I'm back.

This year has been a challenging year. A year that has humbled me, brought me to my knees, and lifted me up again. Made me realize how important friends and family are, to be good to myself, and that with determination, anything really is possible. That doesn't mean that pain doesn't hurt, but what doesn't kill you...makes you stronger, yes. But it also changes you. It's up to you to make sure it does so for the better.

The cyclical nature of healing and growing is more obvious when it is difficult; when a heart breaks.

The process of making art, is much like the process of life, particularly the great milestones of life.
I worked in my studio today and it was like a portal had opened, accessing what had been stowed away until it became easier to feel...and for the first time in a long time, I felt ready to expel and express what I've been processing for so many months. Rather than talking about things or observing thoughts and emotions...this is the healing stage of "output" I've been waiting for. Just like prior creative cycles, which so naturally mirror my life, the process can never be forced.

I have often explained my creative process in 3 stages...though it's hardly ever so linear, so black and white.

1) First, the sensory experience of life - the "living" fully - with its tangible beauty and pain.

2) Then, the processing, the understanding, the moving through, making sense of, thinking, feeling, sitting with.

3) And finally, when it subconsciously, at a cellular and intuitive level, settles and makes sense, it's time to create, to communicate and express....a time to propel the lessons and impressions outward.

I'm here now at the 3rd stage...but it still requires the 2nd stage...and the 1st stage never ends. Yet, it feels good because it means there is progress. My work is moving through me, which means that I'm moving...forward.

I sat in the studio and wrote for hours, as I painted. It felt good. Great. Familiar. Something I haven't felt  in a long time. Life has kept me busy, put it lightly, but it's okay - because I know I've been fully immersed in what is happening in my life.

Before I begin a new series of work, I need to know where I'm going - which requires me to know where I am coming from and what is important to me at the moment. What is my theme, what have I just experienced that needs to be worked out?

I normally start with words to make my thoughts tangible...and to generate ideas. Once I began to write today, I couldn't stop. I wrote and wrote and wrote. Not only words, but titles, themes, questions, answers. I now have over 100 scribbles - titles of unborn pieces. I am not confident I can call it poetry - but maybe for me - it was poetic.

The imagery comes once I begin to paint. Neither the language nor the imagery can be forced. Instead, I have to remain in that quiet but open place of channeling ideas and thoughts without thinking too much about either.

It's a great feeling to feel like I could work for hours...and not stop. It makes me feel like me again.

I'm curious to see what will happen with my work. I'll let you know...

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